Well, its needed to get the ball rolling, so here is my first post, on my new blog. It's hard to say what the ultimate point of this will be, its as fresh of an idea as the pain and discomfort of this new existence is. I'm a father, one of the things I've truly wanted to be. One of my goals in life and something I looked forward to, and all its been is an uphill battle for me. I'm a father, 24/7. When I wake up, when I fall asleep, throughout the day, and even in my dreams, I'm a father, and just not in the biological sense either. However, out of those 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year, yada, yada, yada, I get to actually be in the role of a father, just a small fraction of that time. Hence the name, I'm a full-time father, but only get to have a part-time role.
I plan I tell stories, but I also plan on using this forum as a way for me to cope. I don't feel like I have anyone around me that truly understands the heartache I deal with daily. The moments I don't get to have, the days and memories that were once in my future, now an undeveloped memory. I miss my babies, everyday, and count down the days until I get to hug them and kiss them again. Then I turn around and count down the hours until I have to start coming home to an empty home again. My heart stays in Daddy mode, and is constantly hurting.....thus is my current existence.
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